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Did you ever ask yourself what your way of dealing with negative feelings is?
Most of my clients are using one of these methods:
Distracting themselves with movies, checking social accounts, listen to music, shopping, going out, overworking, overeating, overdrinking.
Being strong: jumping directly to this stage without understanding and allowing feelings to be expressed, missing the chance to discover the unmet needs and heal them.
Rushing into the next step: looking for the next partner, job, holiday, book, purchase to feel better about themselves.
Spiritual approaches such as praying, meditating, finding comfort in “it is God’s/Universe’s will,” “It is my karma,” “It is my destiny.”
Which one do you use?
Now imagine the feelings you have been storing in a drawer of your heart. A drawer in which you deposit feeling, after feeling, after feeling, till
the place becomes messy and overcrowded.
Think of some food you store in your kitchen for a long time. How long does it take before it starts to smell? You may try to ignore it for a while, cover it, pretend it is not there; you may even use air freshener. Soon it is not only the smell but also the appearance; the more time passes, the less pleasant is even to grab it to throw it away.
You can’t clean your house if you don’t want to see the mess.
The same with your feelings and thoughts. You need to sort them out: to decide what you want to keep and throw away what doesn’t serve you anymore. It is time to refresh and free your mind and your soul.
For this process to take place, you need to open your heart. To take each part of it, look at it and decide if it stays or if it goes away.
Below I share with you three steps to help you deal with your emotions.
Allow a few moments for yourself when nothing and no one can interrupt you.
Resist any urge of checking your phone, checking for something to eat, cleaning your house or anything else you may find to distract yourself.
In the process of feelings, management is essential to understand from where your pain is coming.
1.Identify your pain
Be honest with yourself, face the truth that you are trying to escape from, give yourself the gift of honesty and lucidity.
Ask yourself:
Where does it hurt?
How do you experience the feeling in your body?
Why does it hurt? Now you may want to look deep into this answer with a few more whys till you reach the (real) cause of your emotions.
2.Detach the negative feeling from yourself. Imagine you have a container in which you put all the negative emotions.
Give this container a shape; it can be a puppy, a baby, it must be something that creates for you a feeling of unconditional love and acceptance.
You wouldn’t reject, diminish or be critical of a baby, would you?
Then why would you do this with the most vulnerable part of your soul?
3.Acknowledge your pain
Now that your feelings have a shape acknowledge them by saying things like:
I see you
I understand you
I recognize you
I’m here for you
I listen to you
While expressing this, feel the unconditional love and acceptance towards your feelings.
During this process, you will learn to love yourself and become your own best friend.
Once the feelings are identified and acknowledged, they will not stay with you for long. For the time they are still there, you must carry them with love and compassion.
The process of feeling your emotions will allow you to acquire a deep understanding of yourself, take them out of your chest and practice love and compassion towards the most significant person in your life: yourself.
Dare to feel!
For more information check my website roxananicolae.com , email me at or book a session with me